Top 5 Ways to Hide at a Party

September 30, 2017

  1. The bathroom. The one place you’re (almost) guaranteed some privacy.
    Possible problems: other people need to pee so it doesn’t work well as a long-term solution. Also, at particularly lively parties, this alternative can be completely blocked by, a) some drunken idiot passed out beside the toilet; b) two drunken idiots making out against the washbasin.
  2. The kitchen. Yes, be that person who just has to help out with the food and drink. If you’re crafty you can get all the best nibblies for yourself.
    Possible problems: they make you take a tray of snacks around as a way to meet new people. Worst.
  3. The phone call. How unfortunate, someone rang you and you just have to take the call right now because important. One good excuse is the old “a friend is having relationship issues so emotional crisis etc”. So as not to be rude, you must of course remove yourself from the room. Best to remove yourself from the house – thereby proving your impeccable manners.
    Possible problems: it’s awkward if someone actually calls you while you’re faking being on a call. Also, your phone will eventually run out batteries while you’re hiding outside playing games or reading a book.
  4. The fake friend. You would simply love to stop and talk to this random stranger or acquaintance you can’t stand, except someone is waiting for you on the other side of the room.
    Possible problems: there is no one actually waving at you on the other side of the room so you must constantly keep moving and your legs will eventually get tired.
  5. The trip to the corner store. Goodness gracious, you forgot to pick up corn chips or whatever. Better just pop down to the local 7-11 to grab some. Or better yet, go on a beer run when supplies are getting low. (This has the benefit of making you temporarily popular at the same time as you get to avoid people.) Except, oh no, your car starts making a strange noise on the way there so you better drive it straight home just to be safe.
    Possible problems: repeat performances involving the same people will lose you all credibility.

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